My three month old is chilling in the front carrier on my chest, just taking in the sights. And my squirmy two and a half year is barely keeping it cool in the top of the shopping cart. I feel like my time is limited before my two little ticking time bombs go off, and my grocery store trip comes to a screeching halt. But that doesn't stop a curious, old business man from nabbing me for a quick Q&A. Me. With the infant strapped to my chest and the toddler dying to run circles in the aisles. Oh boy.
But here's his question: do you think children are the reason that most marriages fail? Or at least is that the point that marriages begin to take a turn for the worst? I was taken aback but gathered my thoughts to say I absolutely disagree. I told him that after having our oldest, I felt like my husband and I had to be even more of a team now. Sure, things had to change because life is definitely not about us anymore, but that is a given when you add another little person to your family. If you approach parenthood thinking nothing will change then you are about to have a major wake up call. We chatted until the kids grew tired of standing still, and I finished my shopping with two perfectly behaved little boys. Note to self- have more faith in them!
Months later I still don't get it. When we were blessed with our boys, of course our relationship changed. And we definitely had our moments (especially when I grew horns for a few months after giving birth...but that doesn't count!). But I think it grew stronger with the realization that we are responsible for two little lives. Just us. Together. Maybe that is the scary fact that crumbles the marriages he referred to? If anything I think having kids should be one of the many high-points of your marriage; a time of joy and celebration. Rather than the beginning of a down-hill, train-wreck that sends your marriage barreling off course. I am not sure, but from my stand-point we joined forces, grew stronger and more mature as we started this new adventure of being married *with children*. It showed me a new side of my hubby that made me love him even more, and I absolutely enjoy this season of our lives. What do you think? Am I being naive, can you see truth to his side of the argument? Single, married, kids or not, everyone can have an opinion. Don't feel like typing? There's a survey to the right!
Since I first wrote this post my insecurities began nagging me, telling me maybe I really am the only one with this opinion. So a quick investigation lead me to this article and I was shocked. Ninety percent of people agree with our nameless inquisitor!?! Am I really in the ten percent? Surely not. Perhaps we are quick to blame our children for our own problems unnecessarily? Opinions, please!
I totally agree with YOU. My sister in law asked me this same question a few months back. When we were alone she said, "so how are you and Will doing with all this?, Has it been hard on your relationship?" When she said this, I was totally taken aback because I almost didn't understand what she could possibly mean. I told her that our marriage has been better than it's ever been, and we are closer than ever. It's like we permanently have something genuine in common that we love more than anything. I haven't been happier since having ELeanor. I feel sorry for those who feel differently....maybe it's because the parenting role is more one sided. But with us, and from what I can tell with you guys, we share the responsibility equally.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you...not the "90%." It must be a trend for me, because I also don't agree with people who say they are the "99%," but that's a topic for another day.
ReplyDeleteI do think that having children presents new and interesting challenges to a marriage, especially the need for a husband to still receive attention from his wife. We all know that being a mommy sometimes takes every ounce of energy we have, and we should be purposeful about pouring into our marriages as well.
That said, the bond of having children together is a bond that can only be understood by other parents. We aren't "just a couple." We are a FAMILY... And being a strong family has made our relationship with each other stronger as well.
(Wondering out loud if that 90% number is an example of people making numbers say what they want the stats to show.)
I am with you on everything except... the horns thing, you think you only had them for a few months?? disillusioned maybe? hahaha just kidding! I am not sure what people think will happen when they add a little to the mix... it def won't make it easier! But it will 100% make it better if you are in all of it for the right reasons... the world scares me with their views on things :(
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